My Buddha-ful Life

It's Resolution Day, at least traditionally speaking. I guess I'm being predictable, a cliche, opting to align my newest attempts at being healthier with the beginning of another year. But since it's a commitment to myself, and not one I'm publicly advertising, it feels okay.  It's when I make a racket in front of others that I feel like I've failed when I slip.  When it's just me, I feel like less of a hypocrite. But when it's just me, I also feel like it's easier to just let the commitment slide sometimes.  I have to remember that.  I am more overweight than I've been in two decades.  My blood pressure is dangerously high.  I am 50 and want to have another 20+ years of active lifestyle, not slowly corrode into an old man before my time. These are my compelling reasons for changing my life.   Not ego or snazzy new Facebook profile pics of my svelte self. Remember why you came here, Housworth.  Remember what matters. So long, 2017. ...

Did about a 3 mile walk today. Oatmeal for breakfast. PBJ for lunch. Black bean & tomato soup for dinner.  Avocado & cilantro garnish. Popcorn (unsalted unbuttered) as snack Leaning hard into the notion of being a vegetarian again.  I say it so often, and yet, sooner or later, I have to make a decision as to how I want to live. My BP was very high today.  160/100 at its worst.  That's horrible.  Something has to change.

I've always found January to be the most challenging of months.  It's almost always the greyest month, with fewer peeks of sunshine throughout the days.  It's cold, of course.   But mostly, it's the month dedicated to renewal, while almost always being my busiest travel month. Yoga centers offer deals for January, there are cleanses and classes dedicated to starting your year off right.  But I'm almost always on the road for half the month or more.  I know it sounds like an excuse, but it makes getting traction at the start of the year difficult.  I start a new habit, then a few days into it, I'm yanked away for a road trip that upends the routine.   I get back home, reengage, then it's off again for a week. I'm not complaining.  Well, maybe I am.  I love the work, and welcome it.  I just long for the chance to create some momentum.  There are alternate possibilities, but for once, the idea that I could take part in a local happ...

  Wow.  Look at that badass, with his pecs and his pull-ups.  Me, six years ago.  I was in the best shape of my life then.  It was hard work, but it was liberating.  I felt alive.  I felt capable.  I felt - dare I say it? - a bit heroic. I haven't been my own hero in some time now.  I have, in fact, been the male version of the damsel tied to the tracks.  Thing is, if I'm honest about it, I've also been the mustached-and-top-hatted villain who tied me to the tracks.  That's quite a feat.  (It's actually easy until you get to the final wrist.) Anyway, the hero/victim/villain metaphor is an apt one.  In the meditation program I teach, we refer to it as the Drama Triangle.  Most conventional stories needs a hero, a villain, and victim to fuel the narrative.  For many of us, we are one of those characters.  Some of us are two, or even all three of them. That's been me.  My own worst enabler, ...

I went to the doctor yesterday, and while the diagnosis was an upper respiratory infection, it was the weigh-in and blood pressure check that turned out to be the most telling moments. I'd done this dance before.  A year ago, I made a big pronouncement to friends that, with six months to go before my 50th birthday, I wasn't going to stand for my half-century mark to arrive and me not be fit and healthy again.   But, motivation quickly turned to business as usual, and now I stand on the other side of fifty, still overweight, on the cusp of a high blood pressure diagnosis, and constantly pushing against a tide of anxieties. Jesus.  Physician, heal thyself already.  I was a vegetarian for three years.  I wrote for a vegan cooking show.  I was a 10k runner and a FitWit regular.   I'm a meditator.  I have a gym membership and a yoga mat.  I read all the right books on care for the mind, spirit, and body.   And yet. And yet. Here I ...